Wellness@Work: How to manage grief during the holidays

By Kim Crawford Meeks
Spiritual Health & Counseling Manager

Managing grief during the holidays can be particularly challenging, as it’s a time often filled with family gatherings and celebrations. Whether the loss happened recently, or it was many years ago, the holidays can be difficult. If you are navigating this season after a loss, know that there are ways to cope.

Here are some specific strategies to help you manage grief during this difficult period:

• Create new traditions. Instead of trying to stick to old customs that may be painful, consider starting a new tradition. One idea is that you may want to make ornaments with family members and include one for the loved one you are honoring. Or try baking a dish together that the loved one always baked.
• Set boundaries and have optional plans. It’s OK to decline invitations or limit your time at events. If you feel overwhelmed, opt for a shorter visit, or choose to spend the day with just a close friend or family member who understands your feelings. Always have an optional plan in place. It is best not to wait until you are overwhelmed to try to think of something different to do. Before the day of the event, make a plan A, plan B, and plan C. Know that all of the plans are ideas for you to try, and not accomplishing one of them is not failure.
• Honor their memory. Find ways to remember your loved one during the holidays. You could light a candle in their memory during a family meal or create a small memorial space with photos and mementos. You may also give out spools of ribbon and as family members roll out the ribbon, they tell stories about past holidays and loved ones. Together you place the story ribbons on the tree.
• Practice self-care. Engage in activities that nurture your soul. This could mean taking quiet walks in nature, journaling your feelings, or indulging in a comforting hobby such as painting or knitting.
• Reach out for support. Connecting with others who share your experience can be incredibly beneficial. Consider joining a support group or simply reaching out to friends who have experienced similar losses. Know who your safe people are. They are the ones with whom you may feel and express whatever you need to feel, and they do not try to fix it. Your safe person is someone who says, “I’m here and I care.”
• Allow time to grieve. Know that grief is not something that should be bottled up. It is probably not best to try and avoid grief during the holidays. If you know there is an event or activity coming up, do not deny yourself time to grieve. One idea is to set a time to express your grief through writing, listening to music, or practicing a physical activity. Allow the grief to process. At a certain time, know what you will do next, which might be to wash your face and call a friend, or cuddle up with your fur baby and watch a rerun of an old TV show, or taking care of a chore.
• Begin and end the day with a self-care practice. Have a self-care plan in place to begin and end each day. You may like starting your day with meditation and soft music, or a walk in the park, and perhaps ending your day by watching the sunset, or listening to the crickets sing.
• Give back. Channeling your grief into helping others can create a sense of purpose. Volunteer at a local shelter or organize a small charity drive in memory of your loved one, or perhaps just calling someone else that you know might need someone to say, “I’m here and I care.”

Remember, it is OK to feel a mix of emotions during this time. Allow yourself to grieve while also seeking moments of joy, however small they may be. In a day that may seem filled with darkness, seek a glimmer of light, and follow the light of hope.

Please also visit the USA Health Spiritual Care Page for more resources. 

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